We have made it...

Good for us!

We totally made it through;

Thanksgiving,

The end of the world

Christmas

And 

New Years!

Don't get me wrong I like holidays, I just and not totally sure they like me...

You know what  do like though?

The fact that being a grown up means I get to get rid of/ change traditions I don't like and start new ones I really do like.

It's fun!

For the past three years or so Joe and I have made a tradition out of doing nothing at all on new years eve,

And I love it.

I am not one for crowds or dancing or parties so this works out really well for me in particular.

All my friends think we are lame old people...but that's totally true so...

WHATEVER MANNN!

This year we took one of his families traditions and had Chinese food on new years eve, except we changed it up by having it delivered (I don't think I could live without Foodler)

We also made Jojitos instead of having champagne, and watched a four hour Bukowski documentary.   

(Jojito: a bourbon drink normally made with mint and sparkling lime water, or fresh lime and plain sparkling water. Also know as a mint joelup).

Anyways none of that really has anything to do with brunch...(I am getting to that now)

So the last time we had Chinese food leftover (like forever ago!) Joe and I basically had this convo:

J: "Whenever we have leftover Chinese food my parents make Chinese Food Hash, want me to make you that?" 

K: "Errr I am guessing what that is and I don't think I want it..."

J: "no it's really good..."

K: "Okay we don't have any other food anyways what do we do"

J: "Chop up all the food and put it in a pot with the rice and cover it with soy sauce and cook it..."

(we start cutting chicken fingers)

J: "do we have packets of soy sauce?"

K: "No, but we have a huge bottle of lower sodium soy sauce in the fridge"

J: "I don't want that I want packets...they taste waaay better"

I am going to stop transcribing the conversation now, because if I remember correctly it just went into useless blabbering after that.

I mean that last part really didn't need to be there except it's funny...

Packets taste better?! Really?!

What a cutie he is!

Anyways I am telling you all of this because, for brunch New Years Day, we had Chinese food hash!

(It sounds crazy I know but it really is good, really bad for you though, I guess not worse than Chinese food in general...oh I am talking about like crap Chinese food by the way...not like real Chinese food)

With mimosas (from the champagne we didn't use the night before) and some fruit salad.

It was a good binge, because this year I am totally going to be a healthy person ...(my pants are totally on fire)...

Yeah so that basically it...I will be posting again soon soon (with pictures promise)

(but not really promise)

Yeah I know that everyone thinks this is gross but guess what I think you are gross...so BOOM ROASTED!

AAAAAAAAAAALSO....I may have lost it...who knows...

 Byeee!

Oops I did it again

I played with your heart got lost in the game...

and I am sorry...

No I didn't play with your heart or if I did I was unaware...so I am not sorry

But I was bad, I didn't post anything in November and aside from this 

most likely will not post anything in December, and I am so sorry about that.

I know I suck! I am sorry, I really am!

I have been busy...so so busy! 

 (And so so broke and honestly a brunch where the meal consists of pb&j and five dollar vodka doesn't need to be talked about, ever!)

Plus my apartment is falling apart and sorta smells like a public bathroom because of it (don't ask) so hosting is out of the question right now.

(Excuses! Excuses!)

Things are looking up though so don't worry!

If not cooking and eating and writing, what have I been doing?

Funny you asked, because basically those three things just not brunch-related cooking, eating and writing. Joe and I actually hosted Thanksgiving!

It was crazy!

I learned a few helpful things:

Turkey cook times are a lie! those asshole birds are going to do whatever the eff they want and they don't care about your plans- I respect that attitude, so I am not that mad.

Mashed potatoes should only be made with boiled potatoes not baked! I really don't know why I did that!

Sixty beers is not enough...

 But bacon leek stuffing is amazing

And cute kids make people get along even when they are stressed, it's like magic!

Also leftover hash is not as good as you think it's going to be sometimes...

...Let's see what else has been going on I have been cross stitching a lot and,

I made some new friends...(I know good for me right, that's a totally new thing for me so just pretend you are proud)!

Oh and I got jalapeno vodka, I have yet to try it though...

Aside from that you just the usual hair-pulling-out associated with the holidays. 

Every year I am all like "No, I am not going to get stressed I am going to get everything I need done and stay cheery as fuck and my plans are totally solid and so it will be amazing" 

Then by the second week of November I am all like "For the love of doughnuts can this please just end already, I am going to ho ho ho punch you all in the face! Drive this sleigh straight to hell" and then I calm down and am all like "Next year better be better or I don't even know what"

*Any ways next year will be better though so it's all good.

(I am apprehensive to tell you all my exciting brunch plans because that 

creates something for me to live up to...but I am going to anyways)

So most of my brunches may be evolving to "Crafty lady days"

My thinking behind it is:

I love crafts

I obviously love brunch

And I like my friends sorta kinda...enough anyways

The problem

I get distracted when I make crafts by myself

Joe doesn't like brunch

I never really have time for my friends...

So the solution is have my crafty (or not crafty) lady friends over make brunch for us (blerg about the food here) and after we eat we all hang out and craft and talk...BAM!

Plus a wise woman once said "brunch is where people wine about problems that aren't real" and who is better at that than a group of cat lovin' ladies who craft? 

(The answer is no one!)

I will be dedicating one of my first posts of 2013 to one of my life long heroes (there will be some glitter involved)

Can you guess who?

I also plan to be putting up A LOT more pictures in with my posts...(you know like of the food and stuff)!

Uh...well I guess the only other plan I have is having a doughnut bar brunch...

(no I do not care to elaborate) 

So that will all be very very cool

Well, enjoy the rest of the year and whatever you celebrate may it be merry!

*This is all banking on the world not ending next week...

Byeee!

Tips and Tricks! (I have never loved the world more!)

That's actually a total LIE!

That thing is happening again! 

FREAK OUT, 

RUN HIDE! 

FIND A BOMB SHELTER TO OCCUPY!!!

(actually don't occupy...err...ehh...HIDE! that's the word)

Sorry I am okay now...back to the "thing"...yes.

Well every four years everyone in the US looses their fucking mind!

I mean completely looses it!

People are constantly fighting and yelling about being offended, people are unfriending each other  and the news is totally boring because nothing else in the world exists except for the up coming election...and don't even get me started on the people who canvas, yikes. It's totally insane.

But there is an end in sight!

November 6th!

So I say why not celebrate the end of this traumatic time of year with brunch!

(Well the end of most of it, there is still some lingering "I told you so" and,

 "I am totally moving to (any other country)" 

for a few months.

Any who I know brunch on a Tuesday is nuts but, people get time off for voting or play hookie anyways right?!

(I don't really know how this all works but....it doesn't really matter)

SO WHY NOT?!

Because emotions will be running high and people will be anxious about the impending doom/glory we will need to be sensitive.

So, as not to offend or bring up hot topics your guests will want to debate I
have come up with some foods to stay away from:

(you're welcome)

1. Eggs, because eggs are aborted chickens and that's going to offend everyone!

2. Any food that looks like or is code for a vagina.

3. Apples, teachers like apples and teachers make people think of education, class sized, and unions. On top of  all that if all Americans ate one apple a day we wouldn't need health care reform, or even doctors really. I guess. Never would I have expected doctors and teacher to cause so much trouble.

4. Any thing green, money is green...and no one has any money (except the rich people), because nobody has any jobs (except for rich people, or most of them anyways), and because of the lack of jobs and money people are having a hard time buying things and that hurts the economy, and that creates debt and that all leads to taxes...what a tangled web that is, best to just avoid it!

5. Lolli pops, because of the banks DUH!

6. Chicken, you don't want to remind people of that whole Chic-fil-A mess and in turn bring up the issue of same sex marriage, I would also stay away from anything that is rainbow colored, or wedding cake like.

7. Carbonated beverages, carbonated: carbon: carbon footprint: carbon emissions: alternative fuel: clean energy...BAM! See how dangerous that would be!

8. Game meat, why you may ask? Obviously because that shit is acquired by hunting and hunting involves guns, and we still aren't settled on the issue of weather guns kill people or if people kill people and until that is figured out the topic is bust avoided.

9. Avoid oatmeal, jello, canned vegetables, and stale hard candies, because that's old people food and you what old people are? No not, adorable reminders of a simpler time, full of stories and wisdom. A trigger for a lovely debate about Medicare and government spending...(I know it sounds crazy but go look at your twitter, do you really what that shit happening live in your home?)

10. No Mexican food! Actually it is best to stay away from all foreign foods, because the trifecta of all these little pointless debates is on the line! IMMIGRATION, FOREIGN POLICY and TERRORISM!

GASP!

...

You know now that I have this all laid out I don't know if we can make this work...

So let's abandon the whole idea all together (along with all hope)!

I will offer one last bit of advice for surviving (with at least half your sanity) interactions with other humans over the next few months:

Have,

Ear plugs and,

Alcohol on hand at all times, 

and if you must entertain my one food suggestion (the only non-offensive food):

FREEDOM FRIES!

Good luck! 

***Disclaimer***

Starting at the top, none off this should offend you, if it does I don't want to hear about it!

Also;

I find Freedom fries very offensive actually!

That's what I said asshole

 Ha that scene used to make us laugh so hard, we used to rewind it and watch it over and over.

(I don't remember much else from that movie, but I am sure it wasn't supposed to be as funny as I thought it was...oh well)

Anyways Joe and I bought a rotisserie chicken this weekend from the Shaws.

 (that's so unlike us, I know) 

Pinterest made me do it, it promised that you could make 37 different things from the leftovers!

(all of those things were gross...and we didn't have that much left over anyways)

So we had a little left over chicken and biscuits and NOTHING to do with them!

But never fear I came up with the best plan ever!

My brain was all like "make hack job Cracker Barrel Sunday brunch"

What does that even mean???

Well basically my two favorite CB brunch things are:

Chicken and mashed potatoes and biscuits and gravy!

So basically I would make country gravy with shredded rotisserie chicken in it and put it on biscuits make home fries and steamed spinach with bacon to go with?

I am so smart!

(so smart)

So the biscuits and chicken I already had (biscuits from a can obvi!)

If you don't have left overs and couldn't figure this out you will need biscuits and pulled chicken that's cooked

and for the gravy all you need is:

1/2 cup vegetable oil (I used the vegan butter we have...same thing basically)

2/3 cup flour

2 1/2- 3 cups milk

pinch of salt

and a lot of black pepper (I mean it doesn't have to be a lot but it should be!)

Make the home fries first and have them in the oven. (home fries)

Then for the gravy put the oil (or butter) in a large fry pan with the flour and cook on low heat stirring constantly until it thickens, bring the heat to medium and add milk slowly while stirring constantly until it looks gravy constancy (duh) let that boil when it does turn the heat back to low add salt pepper and chicken and cover stirring occasionally. If you can between all that stirring chop some bacon and cook it (if you can't that's fine just do it after), Now warm your biscuits in the oven, then in a pan with a lid put in your washed spinach that's still a little wet and the bacon steam on high hear for four to five minutes stirring once in a while. (I saved some bacon for Joe because he can't eat spinach). 

Then you are done! Open up the biscuit and scoop on the chicken gravy (I sprinkled bacon on top of Joe's) and load up the rest of the stuff on the plate, we had peaches and strawberry fruit salad on the side as well. 

It was good!

On to some sad news two (sucky) people were all like "It's so lame that brunch isn't a big deal in the US" and I am so not one to get all "USA! USA! USA!" but that made me a little mad it totally is! I have waited hours for brunch outside restaurants and it part of most holidays (or the day after holidays at least for my family) also I highly doubt that where they are from people eat brunch  every fuckin' weekend!

However, if this is the popular opinion then step it up my American (or those currently residing in the states) bitches!

Stop being lazy! 

MORE BRUNCH!

OH THE SAME! 

THE SHAME!

Okay I am done now. Bye-bye y'all.

Oh goodness I almost did it again!!

I am a slacker!

Truth be told though we haven't been eating much brunch.

I know its sad...so so sad!

But Joe has been off dairy and though I know how to make many vegan things he hasn't been super into it.

Also it not just dairy a few other things too

...like...

GASP! CAFFEINE!

(Yeah so I totally have a serious headache right now...fun fun)

But two things we have had a brunch (ha get it) are breakfast boats, and breakfast samiches!

"What's a breakfast boat?

Don't care I want it!"

That is what you should be saying to yourself...I mean anything eatable that comes in or is described as a boat is amazing!

So breakfast boats can be built out of two different things:

Bread or potatoes.

So basically you carve out a loaf of bread (a baguette, I like getting small six inch ones form Panera or the Shaws bakery, you need a bread with a hard crust all the way around...sub rolls DON'T work!) or if you are using potato it needs to be baked (yes it has to be baked or microwaved...leftovers work perfect) and then you cut a thin layer off the top and hollow it out.

Seems easy but you have to be careful that you don't puncture the bread crust or potato skin.

Once they are hallow,  you just fill them with beaten eggs, sausage/bacon, and (vegan) cheese!

It doesn't have to be egg, sausage and cheese, you can add anything you want...like veggies, you could go all south-western with it with peppers and beans and salsa...I mean get creative maaaannnn

Anyways you mix all the fillings with the eggs, then with your boat (be it bread or potato) on a foiled baking sheet, fill it add a little extra cheese and a little pepper, then bake it at 400 until the eggs are fully cooked!

It's pretty easy we eat these a lot for brunch and for dinner!

So anyways I will do better next month and post a bunch...maybe!

Byees!

I'm Twenty-Five

And I have just realized I fail at life (not really just)!

There is no coming back from this

Why am I being so dramatic?

Well

I 

....

I love Here Comes Honey Boo Boo!

SHAME!

(I am not going to add a link for anyone who may not know what I am talking about, I don't think I could forgive myself, but you can look it up if you dare)

I know!

I don't even know why I love it, I just sit there watching it speechless, with this horrified look on my face and even when it ends I am not sure how I feel I just know that I want to see more!

(That has nothing to do with brunch I know but I am going somewhere with all this)

 This shameful confession is not really the only reason I feel I am failing (I will spare you all the woe is me shit though), and plus everyone keeps reminding me I am only a quarter of a century old so like if I can defy all odds and live till 100, only a quarter of my life is over so far...that's plenty of time to at least pull off a C+ at life right?!

Well defying odds has never really been my thing, so in honor of my birthday, my confusing love/hate thing with Honey Boo Boo, failing life, and hopefully a better 25 than 24, today's brunch will feature the most unhealthy but amazingly good, guilty pleasure brunch my evil genius could have come up with

... Drum roll please...

Brunch Burgers with Oven Fries 

and to wash it all down

Micheladas!

What is a brunch burger...well Paula Deen made them once on her show so that's proof they are bad for you.
They are pretty much exactly what they sound like:
Hamburger
Fried egg
Cheese
Bacon!
(Oh wow I am so hungry right now!)
I like mine with sharp cheddar cheese, hollandaise sauce and Tabasco on sourdough roll with avocado on the side!
Joe likes the sourdough rolls, cheddar cheese, tomato and lettuce.
You can top them with anything really!
And they are so good but so filling (make the burgers thin)!

Oven fries are easy! Trader Joe's makes some good ones but if you want to make them yourself:
Cut potato into fry shape (peel or don't peel, I don't care)
Boil for a few minutes, then rinse in cold water and pat dry, put them in a bowl and toss with olive oil, salt and pepper (also you can add grillers seasoning, adobo, seasoned salt or garlic powder).
Bake at 350 for about twenty minutes, turn half way, you will know they are done when they are crispy.

Now Micheladas, I may be a professional drinker but a mixologist I am not, so...I am going to leave you under the expertise of Miss Mamrie Hart, she is not only amazing a making drinks she is amazing at making puns (so obviously I love her)!

Oh funny funny!
But actually very good (the jars make them better though) I normally am not a huge fan of tomato juice so I was apprehensive, but by trial and error you can find some really mild tomato juices that don't taste like soup!

Well that's it, it's bad for you over indulgent and sure to be a guilty pleasure, this is my theme for twenty-five...not sure it's any different for the rest of my life...but...eh...

Mise en place

In other words get your shit together!

(sorta I mean it literally means 'putting in place')

But lets not argue semantics, just know that it does sort of relate to all of this...sorta. (click) See?

Either way what I am talking about is and day before prep for an impressive brunch.

so people will be all like:

"you were so wasted last night you fell off your bar stool and then cried and told the bar tender you ain't got no beef, how the fuck did you get up and make all this impressive food before noon even...bitch you like a tequila super hero"
Well maybe they won't...but they might and that makes it worth it!
(not to mention the low effort high payoff brunchy brunch ahh hangover food!)

So let's get started,
I like making things like quiche or frittatas the night before because you can half assemble them or assemble cook and then just reheat in the morning, and they are so good!

Potato, Asparagus, and Bacon Fritatta
 (because that's my fave!)
 I am going to do the more mise en place version rather than the cook ahead.

So the night before:
cook the bacon
slice potatoes thin and boil for three - five minutes, set aside to cool
shred asparagus
Chop fresh herbs  get the Italian spice grinder

Then get a glass pie pan, and grease with olive oil
(if you are a fancy pants a cast iron pan will make this look farm house chic...OHH!)
Place a layer of potato at the bottom, grind some spice on,
then cover that with bacon strips,
then on goes the shredded asparagus and a little more spice.
Wrap the pan tightly in cling wrap and put it in the fridge.

Get a bowl and four - six eggs depending on how big your pan is (mind the fact that eggs rise a lot when baked)
Beat the eggs with a couple table spoons milk black pepper and a little crushed red pepper. Put the eggs in a baggie (maybe two if you buy the cheap kind like we do) put it back in the fridge.


Next up:
Cinnamon Rolls
These are more of a make ahead no morning assembly required thing (mostly).

I am not going to write this one out because I am using a recipe from injennieskitchen.com .
It is as the title says foolproof, I also really enjoy that there is no yeast, because I don't have the time or the patience for that shit! (also in case you missed it, the link to the recipe is the word 'recipe').
 Basically what you will do is:
Fallow the recipe (duh!) except don't preheat the oven because you aren't baking them now (duh!).
Do everything it says through getting them in the pan, then stop, cover in cling wrap and put it in the fridge.
Make the icing and also cover and refrigerate that.


Now go out get drunk and sleep.

When you wake up...hopefully not sick, take out the cinnamon rolls and icing (the cinnamon rolls will need to sit out for thirty minutes before baking), make the coffee. Pre-heat the oven to 425 then take your pan fritatta and bag of eggs out ...add the eggs to the pan, put a little cheese on top and bake twenty minutes. After twenty minutes put the cinnamon rolls in the oven (it has been close to enough time for them to sit out unless you messed up). Cook all that for twenty to twenty-five minutes more, the eggs in the fritatta should be cooked through and the filling of the rolls should be bubbly. Let them rest for a few minutes and stir the now soft again icing, ice the rolls and serve!

Oh my word you did it, just like I am sure you did not embarrass yourself last night, YOU ROCK!