That's what I said asshole

 Ha that scene used to make us laugh so hard, we used to rewind it and watch it over and over.

(I don't remember much else from that movie, but I am sure it wasn't supposed to be as funny as I thought it was...oh well)

Anyways Joe and I bought a rotisserie chicken this weekend from the Shaws.

 (that's so unlike us, I know) 

Pinterest made me do it, it promised that you could make 37 different things from the leftovers!

(all of those things were gross...and we didn't have that much left over anyways)

So we had a little left over chicken and biscuits and NOTHING to do with them!

But never fear I came up with the best plan ever!

My brain was all like "make hack job Cracker Barrel Sunday brunch"

What does that even mean???

Well basically my two favorite CB brunch things are:

Chicken and mashed potatoes and biscuits and gravy!

So basically I would make country gravy with shredded rotisserie chicken in it and put it on biscuits make home fries and steamed spinach with bacon to go with?

I am so smart!

(so smart)

So the biscuits and chicken I already had (biscuits from a can obvi!)

If you don't have left overs and couldn't figure this out you will need biscuits and pulled chicken that's cooked

and for the gravy all you need is:

1/2 cup vegetable oil (I used the vegan butter we have...same thing basically)

2/3 cup flour

2 1/2- 3 cups milk

pinch of salt

and a lot of black pepper (I mean it doesn't have to be a lot but it should be!)

Make the home fries first and have them in the oven. (home fries)

Then for the gravy put the oil (or butter) in a large fry pan with the flour and cook on low heat stirring constantly until it thickens, bring the heat to medium and add milk slowly while stirring constantly until it looks gravy constancy (duh) let that boil when it does turn the heat back to low add salt pepper and chicken and cover stirring occasionally. If you can between all that stirring chop some bacon and cook it (if you can't that's fine just do it after), Now warm your biscuits in the oven, then in a pan with a lid put in your washed spinach that's still a little wet and the bacon steam on high hear for four to five minutes stirring once in a while. (I saved some bacon for Joe because he can't eat spinach). 

Then you are done! Open up the biscuit and scoop on the chicken gravy (I sprinkled bacon on top of Joe's) and load up the rest of the stuff on the plate, we had peaches and strawberry fruit salad on the side as well. 

It was good!

On to some sad news two (sucky) people were all like "It's so lame that brunch isn't a big deal in the US" and I am so not one to get all "USA! USA! USA!" but that made me a little mad it totally is! I have waited hours for brunch outside restaurants and it part of most holidays (or the day after holidays at least for my family) also I highly doubt that where they are from people eat brunch  every fuckin' weekend!

However, if this is the popular opinion then step it up my American (or those currently residing in the states) bitches!

Stop being lazy! 

MORE BRUNCH!

OH THE SAME! 

THE SHAME!

Okay I am done now. Bye-bye y'all.

Oh goodness I almost did it again!!

I am a slacker!

Truth be told though we haven't been eating much brunch.

I know its sad...so so sad!

But Joe has been off dairy and though I know how to make many vegan things he hasn't been super into it.

Also it not just dairy a few other things too

...like...

GASP! CAFFEINE!

(Yeah so I totally have a serious headache right now...fun fun)

But two things we have had a brunch (ha get it) are breakfast boats, and breakfast samiches!

"What's a breakfast boat?

Don't care I want it!"

That is what you should be saying to yourself...I mean anything eatable that comes in or is described as a boat is amazing!

So breakfast boats can be built out of two different things:

Bread or potatoes.

So basically you carve out a loaf of bread (a baguette, I like getting small six inch ones form Panera or the Shaws bakery, you need a bread with a hard crust all the way around...sub rolls DON'T work!) or if you are using potato it needs to be baked (yes it has to be baked or microwaved...leftovers work perfect) and then you cut a thin layer off the top and hollow it out.

Seems easy but you have to be careful that you don't puncture the bread crust or potato skin.

Once they are hallow,  you just fill them with beaten eggs, sausage/bacon, and (vegan) cheese!

It doesn't have to be egg, sausage and cheese, you can add anything you want...like veggies, you could go all south-western with it with peppers and beans and salsa...I mean get creative maaaannnn

Anyways you mix all the fillings with the eggs, then with your boat (be it bread or potato) on a foiled baking sheet, fill it add a little extra cheese and a little pepper, then bake it at 400 until the eggs are fully cooked!

It's pretty easy we eat these a lot for brunch and for dinner!

So anyways I will do better next month and post a bunch...maybe!

Byees!

I'm Twenty-Five

And I have just realized I fail at life (not really just)!

There is no coming back from this

Why am I being so dramatic?

Well

I 

....

I love Here Comes Honey Boo Boo!

SHAME!

(I am not going to add a link for anyone who may not know what I am talking about, I don't think I could forgive myself, but you can look it up if you dare)

I know!

I don't even know why I love it, I just sit there watching it speechless, with this horrified look on my face and even when it ends I am not sure how I feel I just know that I want to see more!

(That has nothing to do with brunch I know but I am going somewhere with all this)

 This shameful confession is not really the only reason I feel I am failing (I will spare you all the woe is me shit though), and plus everyone keeps reminding me I am only a quarter of a century old so like if I can defy all odds and live till 100, only a quarter of my life is over so far...that's plenty of time to at least pull off a C+ at life right?!

Well defying odds has never really been my thing, so in honor of my birthday, my confusing love/hate thing with Honey Boo Boo, failing life, and hopefully a better 25 than 24, today's brunch will feature the most unhealthy but amazingly good, guilty pleasure brunch my evil genius could have come up with

... Drum roll please...

Brunch Burgers with Oven Fries 

and to wash it all down

Micheladas!

What is a brunch burger...well Paula Deen made them once on her show so that's proof they are bad for you.
They are pretty much exactly what they sound like:
Hamburger
Fried egg
Cheese
Bacon!
(Oh wow I am so hungry right now!)
I like mine with sharp cheddar cheese, hollandaise sauce and Tabasco on sourdough roll with avocado on the side!
Joe likes the sourdough rolls, cheddar cheese, tomato and lettuce.
You can top them with anything really!
And they are so good but so filling (make the burgers thin)!

Oven fries are easy! Trader Joe's makes some good ones but if you want to make them yourself:
Cut potato into fry shape (peel or don't peel, I don't care)
Boil for a few minutes, then rinse in cold water and pat dry, put them in a bowl and toss with olive oil, salt and pepper (also you can add grillers seasoning, adobo, seasoned salt or garlic powder).
Bake at 350 for about twenty minutes, turn half way, you will know they are done when they are crispy.

Now Micheladas, I may be a professional drinker but a mixologist I am not, so...I am going to leave you under the expertise of Miss Mamrie Hart, she is not only amazing a making drinks she is amazing at making puns (so obviously I love her)!

Oh funny funny!
But actually very good (the jars make them better though) I normally am not a huge fan of tomato juice so I was apprehensive, but by trial and error you can find some really mild tomato juices that don't taste like soup!

Well that's it, it's bad for you over indulgent and sure to be a guilty pleasure, this is my theme for twenty-five...not sure it's any different for the rest of my life...but...eh...

Mise en place

In other words get your shit together!

(sorta I mean it literally means 'putting in place')

But lets not argue semantics, just know that it does sort of relate to all of this...sorta. (click) See?

Either way what I am talking about is and day before prep for an impressive brunch.

so people will be all like:

"you were so wasted last night you fell off your bar stool and then cried and told the bar tender you ain't got no beef, how the fuck did you get up and make all this impressive food before noon even...bitch you like a tequila super hero"
Well maybe they won't...but they might and that makes it worth it!
(not to mention the low effort high payoff brunchy brunch ahh hangover food!)

So let's get started,
I like making things like quiche or frittatas the night before because you can half assemble them or assemble cook and then just reheat in the morning, and they are so good!

Potato, Asparagus, and Bacon Fritatta
 (because that's my fave!)
 I am going to do the more mise en place version rather than the cook ahead.

So the night before:
cook the bacon
slice potatoes thin and boil for three - five minutes, set aside to cool
shred asparagus
Chop fresh herbs  get the Italian spice grinder

Then get a glass pie pan, and grease with olive oil
(if you are a fancy pants a cast iron pan will make this look farm house chic...OHH!)
Place a layer of potato at the bottom, grind some spice on,
then cover that with bacon strips,
then on goes the shredded asparagus and a little more spice.
Wrap the pan tightly in cling wrap and put it in the fridge.

Get a bowl and four - six eggs depending on how big your pan is (mind the fact that eggs rise a lot when baked)
Beat the eggs with a couple table spoons milk black pepper and a little crushed red pepper. Put the eggs in a baggie (maybe two if you buy the cheap kind like we do) put it back in the fridge.


Next up:
Cinnamon Rolls
These are more of a make ahead no morning assembly required thing (mostly).

I am not going to write this one out because I am using a recipe from injennieskitchen.com .
It is as the title says foolproof, I also really enjoy that there is no yeast, because I don't have the time or the patience for that shit! (also in case you missed it, the link to the recipe is the word 'recipe').
 Basically what you will do is:
Fallow the recipe (duh!) except don't preheat the oven because you aren't baking them now (duh!).
Do everything it says through getting them in the pan, then stop, cover in cling wrap and put it in the fridge.
Make the icing and also cover and refrigerate that.


Now go out get drunk and sleep.

When you wake up...hopefully not sick, take out the cinnamon rolls and icing (the cinnamon rolls will need to sit out for thirty minutes before baking), make the coffee. Pre-heat the oven to 425 then take your pan fritatta and bag of eggs out ...add the eggs to the pan, put a little cheese on top and bake twenty minutes. After twenty minutes put the cinnamon rolls in the oven (it has been close to enough time for them to sit out unless you messed up). Cook all that for twenty to twenty-five minutes more, the eggs in the fritatta should be cooked through and the filling of the rolls should be bubbly. Let them rest for a few minutes and stir the now soft again icing, ice the rolls and serve!

Oh my word you did it, just like I am sure you did not embarrass yourself last night, YOU ROCK!

I want to have brunch with this chick

...But I will do the cooking

Just a little brunch related fun!

Guest Post!

Oh goody fun fun!

My awesome sister wrote a guest post! I am so happy about it! 

(because I really had nothing to write about this month...it's been too hot!)

Buuut Holly saves the day! 

She is my hero! She is thrifty, smart and the coolest mom ever (sorry mom)!

So she wrote some super cheap fun recipes that are kid friendly!

This is extra exciting because no part of my life is really "kid friendly" at all, especially some of my favorite brunch foods (this doesn't pose a huge issue for me because I don't know many people with kids and so I don't have to worry about kids being at brunch). I thought though that this would be a good thing to share because its not only kid friendly food it's really good food! 

So enjoy!

Dough.

So I love making life easier and cheap food. Here is a list of fantastic doughy, yummy recipes that I make for only .45 plus some stuff around the house. All recipe’s start as follows:

Start with your base of Hannaford brand dinner rolls in a tube (we buy the small that has 6 rolls for .45)

Cut each roll into 4 pieces and preheat your oven to 350 F.

Cheesy Garlic Drops:

In a glass bowl melt 2 tbs butter and add chopped garlic, fresh garlic or the kind in a jar but DON’T use powdered – gross, and a pinch of Italian seasoning. Add “dough drops” to the mixture and use your hands to get them all coated evenly. In a medium cupcake pan, evenly distribute the dough between the cups and top with shredded mozzarella. Bake for 10(ish) minutes or until the cheese and bread are slightly brown and dough is cooked through. Great with anything.

Mini Monkey Bread:

In a glass bowl melt 2 tbs butter and add 1 tsp cinnamon and 1 tsp sugar. Add “dough drops” to the mixture and use your hands to get them all coated evenly. In a medium cupcake pan, evenly distribute the dough between the cups. Bake for 10(ish) minutes or until the bread is slightly brown and dough is cooked through. Great for breakfast.

Apple Cinnamon Yums:

Cut one baking apple into ½ inch chunks and boil for 3 minutes until they begin to soften. In a glass bowl melt 3 tbs butter and add 1 tsp cinnamon, 1 tsp sugar and 3 tbs oats. Add “dough drops” and apple chunks to the mixture and use your hands to get them all coated evenly. In a medium cupcake pan, evenly distribute the dough between the cups. Bake for 10(ish) minutes or until the bread is slightly brown and dough is cooked through. Top with vanilla ice cream if desired. Great for picnic desert.

When you are distributing the bits, make sure your cups are no more than ¾ full as they will rise. If you have some left over just make two batches. Because butter is a big ingredient, you don’t need to use cupcake liners but you can if you are traveling with them or just like an easier cleanup! Enjoy!

PlusPeace

YAY!

If you want to check out other stuff by my cool sister check out her blog Nifty things for thrifty moms!

Also she makes sillybets (if you don't know what that means it's okay just check out the store here!)

Well that all for July I will see you in August for birthday brunch, and some other fun shit!

Tips and trinks from someone who has no clue what they are talking about!

Oh fun fun we are doing this again!!

By this I mean I am giving advice that is probably not that good/ common sense/ unwanted/ unneeded, but ahh thus is the nature of advice in general!

First tip: I was never a pancake maker or even liker, not because I am apposed to a sort of cake that is socally acceptable to eat in the morning, because I mean come on I live for that shit! No the reason I hated pancakes is because I always sucked at making them! Not only was my first pancake a mess (I have to to the bottom of the common problem...wait for it) but the rest would be burnt or under cooked or oddly shaped (...I know thats not a huge issue but...). Any ways one day I was attempting to make pancakes for the boys an informal brunch sort of thing, and so I mixed up my batter and then got distracted...so my batter sat for about five or so minutes before I started cooking them...and by gosh the first one came out amazingly fluffy and perfect! I also keep the heat on med and re-butter between each pancake ('cuz I am a fatty). I really don't know if this is part of pancake recipes or if there is any scientific reason as to why this is effective but it does work for me! I mix up the batter let it sit for three to five minutes and then mix it again then pour into the pan and it works...no more flat saggy pancakes! 

Oh hey also add vanilla extract and a little cinnamon to your pancakes its awesome!

Next tip not just syrup tastes good on pancakes! Like a billion other things are amazing on pancakes! I never liked the real "100% pure Vermont maple syrup" (yeah I am low rent so what I like things fake and sweeeet) but that is all my mom would bye and my sister always liked it so I didn't really have anyway of winning that fight, only the option to not eat syrup. So here is a hort list of things that are so good on pancakes:

Nutella + banana + walnuts

Grilled peaches

Mixed berries + whipped cream

Jelly

Warm apples and cinnamon

Lemon curd

Honey + cream cheese

And to be a little savory and crazy

 (this all works best with pancakes that are a little less sweet, and for the love of all things cake do not add cinnamon and vanilla to them if you are doing this)

Sausage + sharp cheddar cheese

Holendaise + ham + egg

Ham + dill cream cheese

I mean the possibilitys are endless really...so why not have a pancake buffet? 

No really why not? Do it!

  

This is the recipe I normally use to make pancakes:

• 1 cup all-purpose flour, (spooned and leveled)
• 2 tablespoons sugar (you don't have to use that much)
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup milk
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted, or vegetable oil
• 1 large egg

Mix the wet then mix in the dry....like anything else, and remember a few lumps are okay in pancake batter, let it sit for a few minutes before you make them (not more than five probably I mean there's raw eggs in there dumdum), and leave your oven at two-hundred or the warm setting with a tinfoiled pan inside so when the pancakes are done you can put them in there and all eat together when you are done cooking!

"and that's all I have to say about that"

(I love going to the 'memorable quotes' from Forest Gump on imdb and reading them to myself in his voice...is that weird?)

Ah but really that is all I have to say...BYEE!