Oh my blog I 'effing suck!

Waah, I am like the laziest lazy person that there ever was!

...

Actually that's not really true, truth is I have been neglecting this blog because I haven't been ...brunching lately.

Yup, not because I have lost my love of the magic that is brunch or that I haven't craved cured meats and waffles because god knows I have, the truth is...

(No really I swear to blog this is the truth)

Get ready...

Joe and I have (for the most part) given up our Saturday afternoon pizza and pitcher dates, our Saturday night boiler makers, and we have given up sleeping in Sundays then eating mile high breakfast sandwiches and pancake stacks...we have given these things up or well traded them for...

TRIPS TO THE GYM

I know it sounds totally unbelievable, but you can call the Planet Fitness and ask if you want, it's true!

(so it's a sort of lack of laziness that has cause this neglect)

Also I got a little discouraged by the fact that super duche Bobby Flay has a brunch show now, I mean come on man that was supposed to be MY show (so basically I hate you Food Network and I hate you more Bobby Flay)...

...(life this far ahead of the cure is hard...whomp whomp)

Any how, last weekend Joe and I didn't do so good with our new healthy lifestyle (and that's fine I mean you cant be perfect all the time though I do come close)

My point!...My point?

Oh right so last weekend started all weird because Friday we were in like weirdo police state lock down shut in, and I think that that really messed up our whole weekend...also we went to a show Saturday and Joe got drunk (I may have been slightly tipsy as well)...Oh and our roomie had a "house guest"...gross...so gross!

Again I digress, so because of the hangover and my debilitating allergies, we decided to skip the gym (people give you dirty dirty looks when you are dripping snots on the treadmills) and go out to eat. We went to a place near our house called Christopher's, (it's amazing if you are in the Cambridge MA area go) and to our surprise brunch was (still) happening there, so to get finally to my point, I am doing a review of that for you!

(Please try and contain your excitement, and I shall try and do the same)

So we started with some beers, I had the Opa Opa raspberry wheat, and that's sort of an odd choice for me I normally don't like fruit (except for the Bolder grapefruit IPA, my favorite summer beer) or wheat beer, but it wasn't bad, sort of flavorless actually...a nice pallet cleanser if you will. Joe had some India pale lager? it was weird...so beer was a wash, (we just gave in and for the second round had High Life, witch is guess in an odd way is totally appropriate for brunch because it's the champagne of beer and champagne and brunch are like practically married...they are at least living together) 

They had so many brunch cocktails, but we decided with the hangover and all it was best to stick with beers (god help me next time I am getting one of each...don't tell Joe).

Joe was being indecisive as per usual, but he got a brunch burger (it had a fancy name but I don't remember it) sans onion roll and chipotle aioli (he got a plain burger bun and aioli on the side) basically is was a burger with, bacon egg and cheese...he was a happy camper, until he had to stand up and realized a quarter pound burger with bacon egg and cheese with a whole side of home fries was waaay too much food. 

I had an omelet...an aged cheddar omelet, with bacon and beef steak tomato, with home fries and a side of hollandaise sauce (because I am super gross and would drink that stuff if I didn't fear Joe's gag reflex becoming overactive). Over all the food was amazing, however both meals came with 'fruit salad', and well I don't think I would call that fruit salad, I mean...my honeydew we cantaloupe...just melon (it's the honeymoon salad of brunch)(HA HA), and honestly just call it a side of melon don't get my hopes up calling it 'fruit salad', the sliver of strawberry and lone grape don't count for shit!

Woah sorry, I got kinda worked up...

(I feel very strongly about fruit salad, and Joe has this odd phobia of cantaloupe my apologies)

All in all, I really want to go back every Sunday and get brunch there, so I guess, if I were giving stars I would give it five and three-quarters because...I don't know, because I say so, plus giving something five stars is a real commitment.

Anyhow, that's my review of brunch, I will someday get better a reviewing foods...because hot damn would it be nice to get paid to eat and say snarky things...I mean like really really nice!

I am not sure when I will post again, or what I will be posting. Healthy brunch?...that sounds boring so probably not, but I will post again soon, I know how you can not go on with out me (the whole three of you that read this).

Welp, remember kids:

Wish me luck on my journey to healthy town via Gym Ave. and Diet Rd. 

 Buh-Bye!

I will miss you if you miss me!

P.S. I will send a postcard along the way, by way of blog post mostly on days that I am all like:

 

Love and Special K!...yeah that Special K...

Real men eat quiche

I mean if that aint a real man I don't know what is!

Anyways on one of the new Here Comes Home Boo Boo specials, they get Honey Boo Boo a pet chicken!

I mean really?!? The pig didn't work so why not a chicken...what little redneck princess doesn't want a pet chicken. I know they already have a dog and a cat but...a chicken?....Really?...That made more since than ...oh I don't know another cat...or a caged bird...or a bunny?

(Maybe it's just me but I would want a chicken pooping all over my house...but then again...)

But I digress...they are all sitting around wondering if the chicken will lay eggs (the chickens name is Nugget by the way)...and Mama is all like "I couldn't eat it if it did that would be like if one of the girls laid an egg and I ate it...gross"...(I am not sure what shes thinking...I mean why get a chicken if not for eggs? and what are you going to do with the eggs then? And the clear and obvious...people don't lay eggs)

That's where good old Suggie comes in, he says he hopes the chicken lays eggs so he can make a quiche. 

A QUICHE?!?!

Bravo Sugar Bear, I would not have assumed you knew what a quiche was (and maybe that says more about me than you) and judging by the look on Mamas face she didn't either (or she didn't know what is was...or that it was made from eggs...or maybe that's just the face she makes every time you talk...you poor poor man).

So all of that got me thinking about getting a pet chicken (kidding) and about making quiche.

So I decided I would make a few kinds...to make it fun! duh! 

I made:

Ham, cheddar and brocoli

Sausage, pepper, tomato and cheddar

Mini egg white, mushroom, bacon, leeks and gruyere (they also had no crust for healthy nerds)

 The nice thing about this is I froze some and then had it for lunches...

I also made a arugula salad and fruit salad! 

Basically you can put anything in a quiche so I am going to give you a basic recipe and you can have at it!

First you will need pie crust (I get the ones in the fridge section of the food store because pie crust is an eivl bitch I try at all costs to avoid)

Pre-heat the oven to 350 (the magic temp that all things will cook at), and pay your dough in a deep pie dish.

In a bowl beat 4-5 eggs and 1/3 cup milk with salt and pepper and whatever other seasoning you want, when it is all beaten there are tow options (like a pick your own adventure...exciting) the first is to layer all your other filling things in the pie crust, meat, veggies, cheese etc...then pour the eggs, and the second way of doing it is to mix all the fillings in with the eggs and plop that in the crust, it really doesn't matter, do whatever you want. Bake for 40-45 minutes, it should not look watery at all then, sprinkle a little cheese on top bake until that's melty, just a few minutes and enjoy!

YAY! Quiche!

Anyways I know after all my talk about being better I totally slacked but truth is, I had this post written Feb. 1st I just didn't publish it so see I am not that bad guys...or I am...I don't know. I have some things planned and half written so it should be better don't worry...or maybe you should...again I don't know...

Buh-byeee y'all

Oh, I ain't no doctors, but I knows when I'm losing me patiensk

and

 "I ain't no physcikisk, but I knows what matters"

I was debating writing the whole post like Popeye but decided I would only confuse myself.

I love Popeye!

Not just the movie the comics and cartoon too but I mean that movie is pretty much the greatest thing ever! (Aside from brunch and ya know me...duh!!)

A. Robin Williams

B. Shelly Duvall

C. Harry Neilsson

D. Spinach

BOOM! Proof it's the greatest movie ever...just think about it!

Whatever...

So try as I might (subliminal screening of Popeye and all) I can't get Joe to eat spinach, he says he doesn't like it but I am pretty sure he has never had it, or has only had the canned kind 
(sorry canned spinach is yuck! for realz), Phooey anyways we have been eating similar but sorta different dinners and whatnot for a while now, so I just applied that to brunch!
Any ways the only thing you might now know how to cook is spinach (because if you cant fry an egg or make toast I can't help you). Spinach is easy, wash and cut the mushrooms and leeks then with a small tiny bit of oil in a pan fry them with some black pepper, then add the already cooked chopped bacon, (it's already cooked because I needed it for Joe's sandwich, if it isn't already cooked the cut it and cook it first). When that's all cooked/ fried then rinse the spinach and shake some of the water off, you want to leave some on, then just put it in the pan on low heat until its wilty, maybe like a minute or two, see easy! Fry eggs and assemble! TA-DA!

He had a breakfast sandwich (because he is picky)

and I had

Cheese toast topped with spinach, mushrooms, bacon and an egg on top.

(he also does not like mushrooms!)

I went and got sourdough bread and really fancy (by fancy I mean expensive) cheese, apple wood smoked cheddar!

And we also had green fruit salad, well really it was cut up grapes, pear and green apple because that's what we had, but the apple was peeled so it didn't look green...and so was the pear
I also had grapefruit mimosas yummy! (I am so healthy right?!)

I don't have much more to say, I am kinda sad today...rhymes...gross

"I think family is more important than dumb morality, hmm?"


The End!
(Also I am sorry if this is in 2 different fonts...I don't know whats up with that)

We have made it...

Good for us!

We totally made it through;

Thanksgiving,

The end of the world

Christmas

And 

New Years!

Don't get me wrong I like holidays, I just and not totally sure they like me...

You know what  do like though?

The fact that being a grown up means I get to get rid of/ change traditions I don't like and start new ones I really do like.

It's fun!

For the past three years or so Joe and I have made a tradition out of doing nothing at all on new years eve,

And I love it.

I am not one for crowds or dancing or parties so this works out really well for me in particular.

All my friends think we are lame old people...but that's totally true so...

WHATEVER MANNN!

This year we took one of his families traditions and had Chinese food on new years eve, except we changed it up by having it delivered (I don't think I could live without Foodler)

We also made Jojitos instead of having champagne, and watched a four hour Bukowski documentary.   

(Jojito: a bourbon drink normally made with mint and sparkling lime water, or fresh lime and plain sparkling water. Also know as a mint joelup).

Anyways none of that really has anything to do with brunch...(I am getting to that now)

So the last time we had Chinese food leftover (like forever ago!) Joe and I basically had this convo:

J: "Whenever we have leftover Chinese food my parents make Chinese Food Hash, want me to make you that?" 

K: "Errr I am guessing what that is and I don't think I want it..."

J: "no it's really good..."

K: "Okay we don't have any other food anyways what do we do"

J: "Chop up all the food and put it in a pot with the rice and cover it with soy sauce and cook it..."

(we start cutting chicken fingers)

J: "do we have packets of soy sauce?"

K: "No, but we have a huge bottle of lower sodium soy sauce in the fridge"

J: "I don't want that I want packets...they taste waaay better"

I am going to stop transcribing the conversation now, because if I remember correctly it just went into useless blabbering after that.

I mean that last part really didn't need to be there except it's funny...

Packets taste better?! Really?!

What a cutie he is!

Anyways I am telling you all of this because, for brunch New Years Day, we had Chinese food hash!

(It sounds crazy I know but it really is good, really bad for you though, I guess not worse than Chinese food in general...oh I am talking about like crap Chinese food by the way...not like real Chinese food)

With mimosas (from the champagne we didn't use the night before) and some fruit salad.

It was a good binge, because this year I am totally going to be a healthy person ...(my pants are totally on fire)...

Yeah so that basically it...I will be posting again soon soon (with pictures promise)

(but not really promise)

Yeah I know that everyone thinks this is gross but guess what I think you are gross...so BOOM ROASTED!

AAAAAAAAAAALSO....I may have lost it...who knows...

 Byeee!

Oops I did it again

I played with your heart got lost in the game...

and I am sorry...

No I didn't play with your heart or if I did I was unaware...so I am not sorry

But I was bad, I didn't post anything in November and aside from this 

most likely will not post anything in December, and I am so sorry about that.

I know I suck! I am sorry, I really am!

I have been busy...so so busy! 

 (And so so broke and honestly a brunch where the meal consists of pb&j and five dollar vodka doesn't need to be talked about, ever!)

Plus my apartment is falling apart and sorta smells like a public bathroom because of it (don't ask) so hosting is out of the question right now.

(Excuses! Excuses!)

Things are looking up though so don't worry!

If not cooking and eating and writing, what have I been doing?

Funny you asked, because basically those three things just not brunch-related cooking, eating and writing. Joe and I actually hosted Thanksgiving!

It was crazy!

I learned a few helpful things:

Turkey cook times are a lie! those asshole birds are going to do whatever the eff they want and they don't care about your plans- I respect that attitude, so I am not that mad.

Mashed potatoes should only be made with boiled potatoes not baked! I really don't know why I did that!

Sixty beers is not enough...

 But bacon leek stuffing is amazing

And cute kids make people get along even when they are stressed, it's like magic!

Also leftover hash is not as good as you think it's going to be sometimes...

...Let's see what else has been going on I have been cross stitching a lot and,

I made some new friends...(I know good for me right, that's a totally new thing for me so just pretend you are proud)!

Oh and I got jalapeno vodka, I have yet to try it though...

Aside from that you just the usual hair-pulling-out associated with the holidays. 

Every year I am all like "No, I am not going to get stressed I am going to get everything I need done and stay cheery as fuck and my plans are totally solid and so it will be amazing" 

Then by the second week of November I am all like "For the love of doughnuts can this please just end already, I am going to ho ho ho punch you all in the face! Drive this sleigh straight to hell" and then I calm down and am all like "Next year better be better or I don't even know what"

*Any ways next year will be better though so it's all good.

(I am apprehensive to tell you all my exciting brunch plans because that 

creates something for me to live up to...but I am going to anyways)

So most of my brunches may be evolving to "Crafty lady days"

My thinking behind it is:

I love crafts

I obviously love brunch

And I like my friends sorta kinda...enough anyways

The problem

I get distracted when I make crafts by myself

Joe doesn't like brunch

I never really have time for my friends...

So the solution is have my crafty (or not crafty) lady friends over make brunch for us (blerg about the food here) and after we eat we all hang out and craft and talk...BAM!

Plus a wise woman once said "brunch is where people wine about problems that aren't real" and who is better at that than a group of cat lovin' ladies who craft? 

(The answer is no one!)

I will be dedicating one of my first posts of 2013 to one of my life long heroes (there will be some glitter involved)

Can you guess who?

I also plan to be putting up A LOT more pictures in with my posts...(you know like of the food and stuff)!

Uh...well I guess the only other plan I have is having a doughnut bar brunch...

(no I do not care to elaborate) 

So that will all be very very cool

Well, enjoy the rest of the year and whatever you celebrate may it be merry!

*This is all banking on the world not ending next week...

Byeee!

Tips and Tricks! (I have never loved the world more!)

That's actually a total LIE!

That thing is happening again! 

FREAK OUT, 

RUN HIDE! 

FIND A BOMB SHELTER TO OCCUPY!!!

(actually don't occupy...err...ehh...HIDE! that's the word)

Sorry I am okay now...back to the "thing"...yes.

Well every four years everyone in the US looses their fucking mind!

I mean completely looses it!

People are constantly fighting and yelling about being offended, people are unfriending each other  and the news is totally boring because nothing else in the world exists except for the up coming election...and don't even get me started on the people who canvas, yikes. It's totally insane.

But there is an end in sight!

November 6th!

So I say why not celebrate the end of this traumatic time of year with brunch!

(Well the end of most of it, there is still some lingering "I told you so" and,

 "I am totally moving to (any other country)" 

for a few months.

Any who I know brunch on a Tuesday is nuts but, people get time off for voting or play hookie anyways right?!

(I don't really know how this all works but....it doesn't really matter)

SO WHY NOT?!

Because emotions will be running high and people will be anxious about the impending doom/glory we will need to be sensitive.

So, as not to offend or bring up hot topics your guests will want to debate I
have come up with some foods to stay away from:

(you're welcome)

1. Eggs, because eggs are aborted chickens and that's going to offend everyone!

2. Any food that looks like or is code for a vagina.

3. Apples, teachers like apples and teachers make people think of education, class sized, and unions. On top of  all that if all Americans ate one apple a day we wouldn't need health care reform, or even doctors really. I guess. Never would I have expected doctors and teacher to cause so much trouble.

4. Any thing green, money is green...and no one has any money (except the rich people), because nobody has any jobs (except for rich people, or most of them anyways), and because of the lack of jobs and money people are having a hard time buying things and that hurts the economy, and that creates debt and that all leads to taxes...what a tangled web that is, best to just avoid it!

5. Lolli pops, because of the banks DUH!

6. Chicken, you don't want to remind people of that whole Chic-fil-A mess and in turn bring up the issue of same sex marriage, I would also stay away from anything that is rainbow colored, or wedding cake like.

7. Carbonated beverages, carbonated: carbon: carbon footprint: carbon emissions: alternative fuel: clean energy...BAM! See how dangerous that would be!

8. Game meat, why you may ask? Obviously because that shit is acquired by hunting and hunting involves guns, and we still aren't settled on the issue of weather guns kill people or if people kill people and until that is figured out the topic is bust avoided.

9. Avoid oatmeal, jello, canned vegetables, and stale hard candies, because that's old people food and you what old people are? No not, adorable reminders of a simpler time, full of stories and wisdom. A trigger for a lovely debate about Medicare and government spending...(I know it sounds crazy but go look at your twitter, do you really what that shit happening live in your home?)

10. No Mexican food! Actually it is best to stay away from all foreign foods, because the trifecta of all these little pointless debates is on the line! IMMIGRATION, FOREIGN POLICY and TERRORISM!

GASP!

...

You know now that I have this all laid out I don't know if we can make this work...

So let's abandon the whole idea all together (along with all hope)!

I will offer one last bit of advice for surviving (with at least half your sanity) interactions with other humans over the next few months:

Have,

Ear plugs and,

Alcohol on hand at all times, 

and if you must entertain my one food suggestion (the only non-offensive food):

FREEDOM FRIES!

Good luck! 

***Disclaimer***

Starting at the top, none off this should offend you, if it does I don't want to hear about it!

Also;

I find Freedom fries very offensive actually!

That's what I said asshole

 Ha that scene used to make us laugh so hard, we used to rewind it and watch it over and over.

(I don't remember much else from that movie, but I am sure it wasn't supposed to be as funny as I thought it was...oh well)

Anyways Joe and I bought a rotisserie chicken this weekend from the Shaws.

 (that's so unlike us, I know) 

Pinterest made me do it, it promised that you could make 37 different things from the leftovers!

(all of those things were gross...and we didn't have that much left over anyways)

So we had a little left over chicken and biscuits and NOTHING to do with them!

But never fear I came up with the best plan ever!

My brain was all like "make hack job Cracker Barrel Sunday brunch"

What does that even mean???

Well basically my two favorite CB brunch things are:

Chicken and mashed potatoes and biscuits and gravy!

So basically I would make country gravy with shredded rotisserie chicken in it and put it on biscuits make home fries and steamed spinach with bacon to go with?

I am so smart!

(so smart)

So the biscuits and chicken I already had (biscuits from a can obvi!)

If you don't have left overs and couldn't figure this out you will need biscuits and pulled chicken that's cooked

and for the gravy all you need is:

1/2 cup vegetable oil (I used the vegan butter we have...same thing basically)

2/3 cup flour

2 1/2- 3 cups milk

pinch of salt

and a lot of black pepper (I mean it doesn't have to be a lot but it should be!)

Make the home fries first and have them in the oven. (home fries)

Then for the gravy put the oil (or butter) in a large fry pan with the flour and cook on low heat stirring constantly until it thickens, bring the heat to medium and add milk slowly while stirring constantly until it looks gravy constancy (duh) let that boil when it does turn the heat back to low add salt pepper and chicken and cover stirring occasionally. If you can between all that stirring chop some bacon and cook it (if you can't that's fine just do it after), Now warm your biscuits in the oven, then in a pan with a lid put in your washed spinach that's still a little wet and the bacon steam on high hear for four to five minutes stirring once in a while. (I saved some bacon for Joe because he can't eat spinach). 

Then you are done! Open up the biscuit and scoop on the chicken gravy (I sprinkled bacon on top of Joe's) and load up the rest of the stuff on the plate, we had peaches and strawberry fruit salad on the side as well. 

It was good!

On to some sad news two (sucky) people were all like "It's so lame that brunch isn't a big deal in the US" and I am so not one to get all "USA! USA! USA!" but that made me a little mad it totally is! I have waited hours for brunch outside restaurants and it part of most holidays (or the day after holidays at least for my family) also I highly doubt that where they are from people eat brunch  every fuckin' weekend!

However, if this is the popular opinion then step it up my American (or those currently residing in the states) bitches!

Stop being lazy! 

MORE BRUNCH!

OH THE SAME! 

THE SHAME!

Okay I am done now. Bye-bye y'all.